It's difficult to put a finger on exactly where we begin to lose ourselves.

Is it the first time we hide?

Is it our first strategic lie?

Or does it happen the first time we decide we don't really care anymore?

For those of us who are handed chaotic environments from a young age, there is a decision we must all make to adapt. We must choose how we are going to survive.

For some people, they choose to carve out their safe space, and spend as little time as possible in the chaos.

Others turn into fighters and constantly push back, asserting who they are, their space, their thoughts.

And then there are those of us who choose the path of attaching our sense of control to how we make someone else feel. We are the co-dependents of the world ... only feeling truly safe when we can help someone else feel good.

The truth is that it's a very effective way to feel good about ourselves and create the kind of environment we like.

As a co-dependent, we tend to have some really positive qualities:

we cultivate positivity
we light up with others' happiness
we tend to be very helpful
we are very empathetic to others' pain

And yet, there is a cost to all this care taking:

we place too much weight on the impact of our efforts ... often leaving us feeling underappreciated when the other person doesn't see all we are doing for them
we forget to check in with ourselves and how we feel and what we want ... and over time this "forgetting" leads to deep dissatisfaction in our lives
we give away too much because we are so desperate for the sense of control over others' happiness ... eventually bringing us to a standstill in our lives when we no longer feel successful
we take on too much in a bid to keep the attention and maintain a sense of connection with another ... creating a deep sense of burden as we carry the weight of not only our own problems, but also the problems of just about everyone else

And then the moment comes, when you can barely function:

you can no longer think
you can no longer act
your body is seizing up in pain
you feel comatosed

You have nothing left to give.

You are spent.

You've hit empty.

This is a really difficult place to be. No one is going to tell you otherwise.

Yet, the bottom is a great wake up call shouting "what you're doing is no longer serving you".

All the indicators are saying "dead end" ... and in the labyrinth of life, you know that you'll need to back track and find another path before you can see the open view beyond the maze.

While the maze can feel intimidating, unless you are content to stand wide eyed and bewildered at the dead end, making your way to the exit is the only way forward.

And this is where you become the expert.

You become the expert at knowing YOU.

No one else can walk this path.

No one else is going to know what works for you and what doesn't.

No one else is going to know what it's like to be you.

And how do you do this? How do you become the expert at knowing you?

turn your back on the dead end ... admit that much of what you're doing now is not working for you.
open your heart and mind to the possibilities in front of you ... allow answers to come to you.
become a fact checker ... learn to check everything against your own sense of reality and listen to how situations, people, experiences feel to you.
hold everything loosely ... resist latching onto rigid answers, and instead carry a mindset of "hmmm...that's interesting...I wonder if I'll feel the same way about this tomorrow".
have joy and a sense of beauty be your compass ... notice every time you feel a spark of wonder, awe, connection, expansiveness, and clarity -- these are the guideposts that show you the way back to yourself.

The regaining of self as you become an expert in you, can feel intimidating to say the least. And yet, what other options do you have. The loss of self is the worst kind of death, because it happens while still living. But to walk the path of resuscitation, to bring oxygen and life back to your cells, is a journey like no other.

And while the steps you take need to be your own, it doesn't mean you need to do it alone. Any challenging journey is going to feel less burdened and more fun when done with others traveling a similar path.

Join our Facebook Community RESTORE Yourself to take your first step to regaining your expertise in YOU.

In health and joy,

Coach Rebecca

The Regaining of Self: become an expert in YOU