The Donut Divorce
Sometimes there are things in life that aren’t meant to stay.
Sometimes change may not be what we want.
Sometimes change is what we need.
- Unknown
Have you ever been in a toxic relationship?
Sometimes they are birth-given in a family member
Sometimes we’re blind sighted by them and wonder where they came from
Sometimes we cultivate them all on our own to confirm an unhealthy self-belief
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Regardless of their origin, at some point we realize that they aren’t good for us . . . that they are sucking vital energy from our soul, our activities, our day.
We can consider ourselves lucky if we figure this out earlier than later. But sometimes we’re just plain stubborn to what we want to be true.
We want them to treat us well (because we think they did once)
We want them to see how they hurt us and believe they’d change if only they knew
We want them to be who we want them to be . . . not who they are
I’ve had a few of these in my day . . . and I’m so thankful the man I chose to be my husband isn’t one of them.
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But toxic relationships can come in many forms . . . including the non-human variety.
being a workaholic
drug and alcohol addiction
disordered eating
The common toxicity in all of these maladaptive behaviors lies in
how we view ourselves . . .
as being less-than
as being insufficient
as being weak
as being powerless
. . . and we go back to them again and again to confirm these self-limiting beliefs.
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But what if there was an alternative truth . . . a Truth with a capital T . . . that actually shows that you are . . .
enough as is
perfectly sufficient
strong
empowered and powerful
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The most draining toxic relationship I’ve had in my life has been with highly processed sugar*.
I’ve seen photos of myself as early as three years old with my eyes glazed-over from cake
I used to sneak Twinkies and then ask my mom for more
Parties as an adult have been pain points, because once my sugar-seeking brain receptors are activated, my interest in socializing gets cut off
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And I’ve come a LONG way in overcoming/reconciling/healing this toxic relationship.
I’ve learned how to take the power out of most food-centered events by focusing on people
I attend to how foods make me feel, instead of making endless good/bad lists.
Filling my belly up with healthy options, makes the pull of unhealthy choices seem like a whisper instead of a demand
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Yet, in addition to the wisdom, strength, and healthy habits I’ve acquired, there are simply certain foods I’ve had to divorce myself from…not because they are inherently “bad”, but because how I relate to them is toxic.
I’ve designated donuts as alien food . . . because eating them does absolutely nothing for me. After a single bite of a “donut hole”, I get irritable, can no longer think, my energy slumps, I’m lightheaded and dizzy.
More than a couple pieces of candy can put me into a figurative coma: depressed, non-functioning, barely human state of existence. And considering I’m not great at creating limits once that part of my pleasure brain in stimulated, I’ve realized that no candy is better than death by candy. To help me curb that desire, I keep a bar of 85-100% cocoa chocolate around to eat a few squares (because believe me that binge eating straight cocoa does not happen.)
If I eat highly processed desserts like cake (you know the kind…”would you like some cake with your frosting?”) I might as well block out my next day for non-productive tasks like staring at the ceiling . . . because they will absolutely destroy me: my depression rears its ugly head, my joints scream at me, and I have to kiss my workouts goodbye.
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For many years, I wasn’t ready to get a divorce . . . from the foods that placed me in a trance. I knew that to do that would set me up for an unhealthy power struggle with food.
Yet now, it’s time to say goodbye to mindless idolatry of processed sugar*.
. . . because it’s a toxic relationship that no longer serves me.
Processed sugar does not to treat me well (even though it once served some purpose)
Processed sugar is not a human and has not a care for how it makes me feel
No matter how I want processed sugar to affect me (giving me energy and a sense of euphoria), what it actually does in my body is totally different (dragging me through a ditch)
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Is there a toxic relationship you need to let go of?
You’ll know when you’ve reached the end. And when you do, decide to decide. And act.
If you want support in your new healthy lifestyle . . . reach out. We support you through care and guidance.
-Coach Rebecca
*I’m using the term “processed sugar” to categorize any sweets that are not naturally occurring. Fruits and vegetables have sugar in them…which is a good thing because our bodies and brain need sugar to function. As a general rule for most of us, sugar found in foods grown from the ground are balanced in a way that our bodies can handle. On the other hand, be wary of foods that have zero nutritional value and have been main-line pumped with concentrated sugars (foods with sugar/syrup/corn syrup as one of the top ingredients, and sugary drinks).