Before heading into this topic, I preface my thoughts on addiction with a few realities:

1. My commentary is largely anecdotal. I am speaking from my own experience as well as in observing others.

2. While I have read complex scientific articles on addiction, I am neither a degreed scientist nor a researcher.

3. One definition of addiction is: Addiction is defined as not having control over doing, taking or using something to the point where it could be harmful to you. I invite you to read more about the technical side of addiction, such as in this article.

4. I believe that seemingly benign addiction-like behaviors can be just as detrimental to our health in the long term, even while they are more socially acceptable.

For the purpose of this blog, I'd like to explore the aspects of addiction that we can affect change in, by modifying how we relate to them, how we interact with our environment, as well as how we engage in our important relationships.

While there are the heavy addictions that take over our bodies and brain chemistry at such a fast rate that the addictions are undeniable (herione, cocaine, meth, etc), I am compelled to better understand the addictive-like pull of habits that take us away from healthy self-care. My interest is simply pulled by the fact that we have the greatest control over these simpler habits, and the far reaching impact is undeniable.

In this blog, I am defining addictive-like behaviors and habits as any repetitive behavior that takes us away from fully experiencing the richness of life and that limits our power to influence the life we live.

So, what are some examples of addictive-like behaviors that we engage in? Here's a "short" list of habits we are all vulnerable to in our daily lives:

• binge-watching tv series

• sneaking food

• people pleasing / attention getting / external validation

• seeking comfort in food

• depriving ourselves of nourishment

• depriving ourselves of social connection

• social media consumption

• sexually titillating entertainment / fantasizing / porn / sex addiction

• emotional lockdown / over-identification with emotional states

• device usage

• ___ fill in one of your own ___

Why we choose one behavior over another happens for a whole bunch of reasons ... depending on our genetic disposition, childhood household dynamics, as well as our general psychological, social, financial, and physiological makeup. Essentially, why one of us is quick to distract ourselves with binge-watching television vs. being a sex addict is less based on our moral compass, and instead our unique needs for coping in this world.

Yet, what is it about all these behaviors that makes them challenging to overcome?

One insight I received on addiction was in watching this TED talk: Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong | Johann Hari | TED

In this talk, Johann Hari states that "the opposite of addiction isn't sobriety, but is instead, connection."

If this is indeed the case, and in my personal experience it holds true, in order to maximize our experience of being fully alive, and minimizing our susceptibility to engaging in addictive-like activities, we must aim for connection.

Connection comes in many forms. While we can only effectively develop one skill at a time, ultimately we want to expand in as many areas of connection that are possible. Here are some of my personal favorite ways of expanding my connection within this world, and ultimately to myself:

• move my body

• eat foods that have a list of 1-5 ingredients

• breath with awareness

• do tough stuff to engage my courage

• listen to the sounds around me

• seek beauty in nature, human dynamics, and spontaneous joy

• find peace in the spaces between activity

• talk to people

• seek to understand people so I can better relate to them and myself

• listen to what people, places, experiences bring joy to my day

• celebrate my tiniest of tiny successes

• stand in my values and return to them whenever I get lost

• tell my story in a way that others can feel empowered to do the same

• let go of what I think others think about me or the world

• engage my truth and fight to maintain my integrity

• lean into the uncomfortable tasks that life demands of me

While each of these items may seem like a different skill, they all serve the same purpose ... to expand my capacity to cope with the challenges of life, while giving me the confidence to know that my reality does not have to be ruled by fear. And while I become more courageous, my fears drop away, my joy increases, and my sense of connection with the world and myself becomes more reliable.

And this capacity to grow our connection, to the world and ourselves, belongs to each one of us. Every single human has the generative ability to let go of fear and lean into our light. Light is life, is love, is truth. Whereas fear is false and the absence of light. 

Do everything within your capacity to reach for and stand in your connection to the world, and ultimately, yourself. Believe me, it's worth every ounce of effort.

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Blessings, love, hope, belief,

—Coach Rebecca