Make Space for Hunger
When we sit at the table, there is more going on than satisfying hunger. It is sad to think of those who eat simply to satisfy their hunger and who do not permit themselves to linger under the many spells offered by a good meal - the satisfaction of our hearts, our minds and our spirits.
Do you remember Twinkies? (I say remember … maybe you still know them … though I bet the formulation is different now than from the late 70s and early 80s).
Well, I had a thing for them as a kid (along with a bunch of other Hostess snacks that the train conductors would bring for our small group of kids who’d commute to school 45 minutes from home). Those Twinkies, though…my fixation on them started when I was six years old. I’d go sneak one from the cupboard and eat it in a locked bathroom, and then just for good measure, I’d go ask my mom for another. She’d usually say yes, so I’d go have a second.
Yes…I used to sneak food. Those Twinkies were phase I.
The first time I did it…was one decision.
That one time turned into another, and then many decisions.
And then those many decisions turned into a habit.
… and we all know how hard it is to change a habit.
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At some point (around the age of 12) I realized that my habit of sneaking food
owned me …
not the other way around.
… at least that’s how it felt.
(of course as an adult, I now know better, but it has taken many honest conversations with myself to get there)
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So, what did I do?
I tried to turn the tables.
I put controls on my eating.
I created rules and structures and limits.
I wrote mental good food/bad food lists.
Because I was a good girl
... and good girls follow rules.
Good girls only eat cottage cheese and peaches for lunch
Good girls only eat x times per day and stop eating at time:time o’clock
Good girls do whatever they need to do to stay out of trouble.
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… at least until I got in trouble or felt bad about something
… then I wasn’t.
As a bad girl,
I ate whatever I wanted,
whenever I wanted,
in as great of a quantity as I wanted,
and no one was going to stop me.
As soon as I felt bad about something, the rules went out the window.
The Rules Don’t Apply when you’re Bad.
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My early decision to sneak food had its own problematic issues for certain.
I’d already identified the forbidden food, and figured out a way to make sure I wouldn’t be denied.
But once I started making systematic rules around trying to control that habit, I set myself up for a whole host of other issues:
instead of it being about the food, it became a reflection of how I felt about ME. As long as I felt ok, my choices would fall in line … but watch out if I felt hurt or angry. I’d hunt down some way to confirm my belief: “If I feel bad, I must be bad. And if I’m bad, I must need to eat bad food.” It sounds kind of simplistic … but that’s how our brain operates.
instead of having my meals be an opportunity to connect with my family, mealtime was an event to get through so that I could get to the food I really craved: the bad ones.
the worse I felt about myself, the less I wanted people to see who I really was. And the greater the gap between the person I showed the world and the person I was, the worse I felt about myself.
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I share all of this because I’m certain that there’s at least one person in the world who can relate to this story.
This story is for you.
… and what I did to get myself out of this trap,
the trap I’d dug myself into.
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Step 3, after …
… is to Make Space for Hunger
You see, when food becomes about control,
… a reflection of whether we are good or bad
… a battle ground for our sense of self …
When eating food is no longer about food or nourishment,
we stop noticing if we’re hungry or full
or if we need more or are satisfied
and we forget about breaking bread with those we love
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Yet, when we make space for hunger, we make space for our needs.
When we make space for our needs, we can ask ourselves what we REALLY want.
And when we can ask ourselves what we really want, then we’re on the road to living authentically in our lives: privately and publicly.
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And as soon as we can own our hunger,
and give up the good/bad mindset,
we can live a life of authenticity
that has
no need
to hide
or lie
or sneak.
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Put another way:
Tell your good kid that it’s ok to not be perfect.
Tell your bad kid that he’s still loved.
And know that the softer the lines get between how you see your good and bad selves, the less you will struggle to make choices that reflect self-care.
Everyone’s health journey is unique … which is why I don’t give people off-the-shelf plans. I set myself apart by really listening to my clients to give each man and woman the tools they need to support sustainable eating habits.
Every food choice begins in our minds. In our Eat 4 Results program, coaching starts with understanding yours.
Schedule a No Sweat Intro to learn more.
Strength for Life ~ in a body you love.
-Coach Rebecca